


A good man

by Writelikethat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blow Jobs, Coffee, Firefighter Dean Winchester, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt Castiel, Just Add Kittens, M/M, Misunderstandings, Protective Dean Winchester, Tattoo Artist Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-07-15 06:02:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writelikethat/pseuds/Writelikethat
Summary: They come from two entirely different worlds, with practically nothing but coffee in common. Cas can't help but fall for the man who is the kindest person he's ever met.





	1. No happy endings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> It was supposed to be light and sweet, but something gave me the feeling Cas wasn't appreciated by everybody and would face some challenges.  
> The attempted rape scene is in the first chapter.  
> Just wanted to warn you so you have a chance to back out before you get to a part you don't like. 
> 
>  
> 
> xx - hope you like it

Cas headed down the side walk in his usual stride. He needed to put the last two days behind him. After spending one day with his mother, listening to her criticizing everything about Cas, he’d made a booty call to the one person who had the power to make him feel even worse. 

Monday morning, Cas needed coffee and then he’d go to work and put it all behind him. With that decided Cas didn’t focus on where he was going. That’s the only explanation for why he bumped into a solid shoulder, hearing a low curse uttered. 

“Oh, dear. I am so sorry for running into you. I hope I didn’t spill your coffee.”

The words came automatically, and he reached out to touch the man’s wrist. Cas faced a tall, broad guy who did look a little confused, but not like he minded at all. 

“It’s fine. No harm done.” He promised, looking caught in the headlights. Flushed, but unable to look away. Cas smiled, feeling his mood get a little better.

“Well, it was terribly rude of me to walk into you like that.” Cas’ hand fell from the man’s wrist. They stared at each other a moment too long before the man spoke. 

“You’re lucky I’m having a good day. Don’t worry about it, my coffee is still in my cup and I can take a beating.” He gave a lopsided grin, and Cas was officially charmed.

“I bet you do.” Cas hummed softly.

“Um, anyway. I’m off to work. Take care, man.” The man stammered and lifted his cup in an awkward salute. Cas turned back to the coffee shop and walked in to place his order. 

 

Cas had a full week ahead. His planner contained back to back appointments, because that’s what he planned before spending a single day with his mother. Getting out of the funk and move past it was his safest bet. 

Having moved to a new city about two months ago Cas was lucky to have as many customers as he did. Being one of two tattoo artists in town he also had the advantage of having made a name for himself. He may not be super famous, but enough so that certain people would seek him out for his particular brand. 

Between work and social life Cas found himself sitting at his local coffee place. Surprisingly it was a friendly place, not swallowed by the big companies and it allowed him to sit by himself and still feel connected. 

One night he sat there making the finishing touches on a tattoo he’d be starting the next day the door opened and he could feel how every customer looked up in awe and gratefulness. Two men stepped inside, both looking a bit dirty, dressed in fireman uniform, headed for the counter. 

Cas hadn’t forgotten about the meeting with the pretty man outside this place. He might even have hoped to see him again. And there he was. Like every man or woman’s wet dream. A fireman, strong and built and just as pretty.   
He listened to their bickering while the two men waited for their order. It was a slow night, and Cas almost burst out laughing when the handsome man muttered about a woman saving her fish tank during the fire.

Just as they turned to leave the man glanced in his direction, and apparently Cas wasn’t the only one who remembered. A soft tingling in his mid- section told him to play it cool. He let their eyes meet, and then gave a van smile. He got the exact same one back for his efforts and Cas told himself it did not disappoint him in any way. 

After that meeting Cas did think about the man from time to time. He didn’t do relationships, and even if a hook up was on the table, he never would with someone he felt such an instant attraction to. Simply because he avoided every complications in that department. 

 

It didn’t mean fate listened to him. Because for some reason, he kept seeing the man around. He might not live in the largest city, and they seemed to frequent the same coffee shop, but eventually it started to get a little weird. 

The other man started greeting him when they met. Cas could feel his eyes on him, taking in his polished nails, his make - up and his tight clothes. He kept looking, taking him in, like he didn’t know what to think about him. 

That’s kind of what Cas aimed for. He would not be subjected to a stereotype just because of his gender or his preferences. If he chose to wear nail polish, then it was nobody’s business but his own. At least the other man didn’t look put off, but Cas wasn’t fooled. He was practically the exact opposite. With his sturdy jeans, t-shirts, and with jackets thrown on top on cold days. 

Cas sighed a little. The man might be intrigued by Cas, but he would still end up with a wife and a couple of kids somewhere with white picket fences and a dog. 

 

So when they met at a party almost two months into their non-introduced familiarity Cas could not let the chance pass him by. 

At first it took him by surprise when he walked outside to see the man standing just down the stairs, talking to a blonde woman. He looked a little tipsy, and it suited him a lot. His cheeks looked a little rosy and his eyes sparkled as he grinned wide at everyone. 

Cas waited until he came inside, he wanted to talk to him alone, without having to scream at the top of his lungs. 

“Hi there! I didn’t think you knew how to drink anything other than coffee.” Cas said from behind him. He followed the movement closely as the man lowered his beer bottle and pulled it away from full, wet lips. 

“Hi! Well, on occasion.” He said with a grin. Full lips widening over straight teeth and a teasing tongue just inside. Cas felt dizzy. 

“Let me introduce myself, then. I’m Cas. Who are you, apart from a fireman?” He winked. 

“I’m Dean.” 

“Hello Dean.” Cas repeated and Dean’s eyes snapped up to his. 

“What are you doing here?” Cas asked. 

“What does it look like? Meg is having a party and I stopped asking questions years ago, about how she knows so many people.” Dean said and lifted his bottle. Cas thought perhaps he himself was a little more drunk than intended. So he forced his eyes away from Dean’s working throat. 

“Sounds like a good idea. I don’t think she'd know the answer herself.” Cas licked his lips and noticed with a flutter in his stomach how Dean followed the movement. 

It was clear he felt the attraction too. Unanswered questions clear in his eyes, Dean still held his eyes for a long moment. They both jumped when Meg practically stepped between them. 

“Speak of the devil.” Dean huffed shakily. 

Meg rolled her eyes. 

“Dean, just go and find Jo. She’s about to make some bad choices.” 

Almost before the words left her mouth, Dean headed in the direction of the living room. Cas watched his backside as he left. Strong bowlegged thighs. Man, there had to be some power in those.

“Uh uh. No. Cas. Just no. Don’t even think about it.”

“What? I’m not even thinking anything.”

“Oh yeah? You didn’t just picture Dean Winchester pinning you down?” She asked bluntly and Cas pursed his lips, glaring at her. 

“What is wrong with you?” Cas made sure people didn’t pay attention to them. 

“Nothing. But you need to be careful. I know how you work these things. And Dean is not an option.”

“I didn’t say he was! Why is that? Is he seeing someone? Would it make you jealous?” He snapped. Not sure why he felt the need to defend himself. 

“Cas… It’s – Listen, he is like a saint! A firefighter, he works at his brother’s animal shelter, he takes care of everybody around him. And I don’t even think he’s gay.” Meg listed for him and Cas watched her a long moment, trying and failing not to feel hurt. 

“Basically you are saying he’s too good for me. Thanks, Meg.” Cas had to be in a weird place for letting this sting so much. Meg always talked bluntly. She would not put anything in between and, often it might be a bit of a blow, but it never left him feeling this defeated. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. But, Cas. People like us don’t get to play with people like him.”

Cas shook his head. “Fuck you! Just leave me alone, Meg.”

He turned his back to her, ignoring her protests. 

Having a fight during a party was never a good idea. Cas held himself to better standards than that. Of course, like Meg pointed out, he was far from perfect and sometimes he made mistakes. Because, alcohol induced fighting led to more drinking, which often led to more fighting, or at least an undignified behavior. 

Cas avoided Meg the rest of the night. He contemplated leaving, but he could go fine some of his other friends to talk to instead. They had more drinks, did some shots and danced for a while. As people started filing out of there, Cas found himself unsteadily inching down the stairs on the backside of the house, and a pair of strong arms suddenly helped him out. 

Once on the pavement Cas looked up at a blonde man with a certain kind of smile. The type that had Cas’ stomach twisting unpleasantly. 

Openly showing off his sexuality and preferences had different effects on people. One being like Dean, intrigued and interested. Another was openly turned on or at least they would make a move on him immediately. Then of course there had to be people who didn’t like it at all. Cas knew all of it, and he didn’t get scared or bothered by it. Unless he felt vulnerable and drunk. And alone. He tried with a small smile. 

“Thanks. I might be a tad unsteady tonight.”

“You better watch it, bitch.” The man hissed. His breath smelling of alcohol and smoke, the mean glint in his eyes made Cas stumble backwards. Not that it mattered when the man just followed, pushing him against the stair railings. 

“Walking around like this, you are practically begging for someone to get you on your knees and fuck your face. That what you want?”

He was all up in Cas face, hands touching his back and sliding down to his ass. Cas’ limbs felt like lead and his mind unhelpfully supplied him with Meg’s argument; they didn’t get the nice people. 

“Jus’- get off.” Cas tried. A soft laughter brushed clammy against his neck and Cas wondered if he would be able to get a kick in. 

“Yeah, I don’t think so. You can’t expect to walk around in a shirt this transparent, and not getting touched.” 

“I didn’t… I didn’t ask you to.”

“Shut up. You are gonna take my cock tonight, bitch.”

And Cas was just so done with the degrading name calling and the insisting hands. He might be slim and feminine, but why would that make him weak? He braced his hands against the man’s chest and tried to kick his leg. A hand came into his hair and pulled hard enough that Cas let out a surprised scream. In his desperation not to get caught, the man hugged Cas tightly but lost his footing and toppled over. Cas’ head bounced onto the concrete stairs and for a second things was sickeningly dark and he was left with a tangy taste in his mouth. 

His heart started beating wildly. It became clear suddenly that this situation was worse than he thought, and he might even die there. The backyard of the house Meg lived in was fairly private. Even if the street ran past, someone would actually have to look inside to see and it was dark out so they might not even notice anything. 

Almost without conscious thought, Cas kicked his feet desperately, his knee hit something and the man let out an angry curse. Cas started screaming then. Crying for help and just hopefully someone might hear and know something was wrong.

“Shut up! Shut up, you idiot!” The guy over him hissed as he fumbled with the zipper on Cas’ jeans. 

Cas wasn’t sure how it happened. A hand had just smacked him clear across his face hard enough to make him see stars. But when he came too there was a third person with them. His heart sank and since he felt the weight of one of them was gone he tried crawling to his feet. A low voice shaking with anger talked to his assailant, ordering him to get out of there. 

Cas moved blindly. His limbs hurting, but he needed to get out of there too. But warm hands suddenly helped him stand, stroked his face in an uncharacteristically friendly manner as opposed to the hard words he uttered. Cas was shaking.

“Cas? Do you recognize me? It’s Dean, we spoke earlier.”

And what had he done to deserve this? In his weakest moment, of course this man had to be there to see it happen. Cas nodded, and let himself be led out on the pavement again. He felt out of it, like he couldn’t entirely control his movements. 

“My car is just over there, if you want me to drive you home.” Dean talked carefully. He led him toward a car, but he barely touched any part of Cas. 

Cas didn’t want to sit in a car with a stranger. He felt awful and he needed to be alone. 

“I’m not driving alone with you.”

“Okay. Jo is still in my car, I was gonna pick up her phone at Meg’s when I heard you.”

He wouldn’t be alone. Cas felt torn between his panic for being alone with someone right now, and the need to get home somehow. He could have called up Meg, she would take him in but then again, he wasn’t sure he was ready for that. 

Cas stopped and Dean took a step to the side, creating a respectable distance between them. Cas felt cold, and his whole body shook almost visibly. 

“Listen, man. I know you don’t know me. But I am not going to leave you here alone. Hell, you should not even be alone at all tonight. What happened to you… Are you sure you don’t need a doctor?”

“I don’t… He – he didn’t. I mean, no. No doctor.” Cas shook his head, staring at Dean with what could only be hooded eyes. 

“Alright. Do you want me to call someone? A friend? A partner? Anyone.” 

Cas stared at him, suddenly overcome with an irrational need to be held. He took several deep breaths, fighting for control. 

“No, its fine. I’ll… I’ll just go home.” Cas looked at the car in front of them. A big muscly car, something that suited Dean a lot. At better times Cas might have told him that. 

Dean looked like he wanted to protest. Instead he nodded and motioned for the car. 

“I have more than enough space. Please let me drive you, so I know you get home safely.” 

Dean opened the passenger door and when Cas looked inside he could see the blonde woman from earlier that night fast asleep across the back seat. Dean muttered something about being a light weight and started up the car. 

He blasted the heat on full and turned up the music a little. Cas found that his heartbeat slowly got down to a more manageable rhythm. Dean followed Cas’ instructions but apart from that they didn’t speak. When he stopped in front of his apartment building, Dean looked at it and when he noticed the security by the door, relaxed a little. Cas swallowed and looked away, not really deserving this kind of concern.

“Hey, man. I know we don’t know each other. But, here is my number if you need to talk tonight or something. Just, I hate to leave you alone after something like that.”

“Thank you Dean. And thank you for… you know, saving me. I will be fine, promise.”

Dean stared at him for a long time before dropping the note with his phone number. 

“Okay. Just in case though, I will be looking for you at the coffee shop.” He gave a soft sort of smile and somehow that had Cas loosening up a little. He snatched the phone number and got out of the car. 

“Good night.” He whispered, barely with any voice left.


	2. A Friendship like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is mentioning of attempted rape in the beginning of this chapter.

Cas had a habit of going all out when something bothered him. He worked double, he went out of his way to meet friends because he could not sit still and he made sure he had as little time as possible alone. 

It was tough this time to shake what had happened. Simply because the fact that, hadn’t Dean heard him, he would have been full on raped there on the street. With his luck he might even have been killed as well. Cas considered talking to someone, he didn’t know the man who had assaulted him, but perhaps he would need help to move on. 

Even if he was here, safe now, the thought of what had happened was enough to rattle him. Cas worked longer hours in his tattoo shop. He locked all the doors and windows if he had time alone and he would sit longer at the coffee shop, just so he wouldn’t have to go home and be alone. At the smallest things he jumped, he was suspicious about anyone, but he tried to remind himself that if he took care, then at least nobody would get a chance to do something like that to him again.

Dean had not asked him outright if he was okay. Like promised, Dean was there every day at the coffee shop, looking around until his eyes landed on Cas. And he didn’t need to ask him. Even if they were practically strangers, Dean seemed to know how Cas felt. Like he could read through the layers of make- up, the fake smile and his over eager small talk.

To his credit, Dean simply sat by his table for a few minutes, listening to Cas rant about his coffee. Then he left Cas with a smile and a ‘see you soon’ or ‘good to see you again’. 

Cas had no way of knowing what it was about. Dean had seemed interested before, like he might have felt attracted to him. Now, all he portrayed was friendliness and sometimes concern. But Cas would take it. He needed the distraction and Dean was a sight for sore eyes but he was mostly there as a friendly presence. Someone who slowly but surely made Cas relax and gain back some of his confidence.

Cas started asking Dean questions while they drank their coffees. That’s how he learned more about Dean’s job. It sounded dangerous and not at all as sexy as a fireman actually looked. He also learned that Dean had a dog, and that he lived with his uncle, which sounded normal coming from him somehow. Meg’s words about how Dean was practically a saint, fresh in his memory.

Those late night coffees during the week was somewhat of a highlight in Cas’ days especially those immediately following the incident. It became a habit, something they did at least three times a week. They never scheduled and some nights he would sit alone, and Dean did sometimes too, because he always asked what was up when they finally met again. 

It was all very different from every single friendship Cas had. These short conversations with Dean contained so much more than just gossip or drama. One night Dean sat the whole night listing his favorite foods. 

“You really enjoy food, am I right?” Cas giggled. 

Score one! Because when Cas made a giggle like that. A real one, not the ones he’d practiced and would give to anyone. That’s when Dean stared at him a moment longer, like he really saw him and appreciated what he saw. It made Cas’ stomach do happy backflips, but the moment always passed too fast. 

 

Cas sat by their usual table, they even had a usual table now, and for the last two nights Dean hadn’t showed up. They still hadn’t really exchanged numbers. Cas had Dean’s but he wouldn’t start using it to demand where he was after not seeing him for two days. 

When Dean finally showed up, it was with a girl. Her red hair flying around in pure energy. Dean laughed at something she said and Cas had never seen him so at ease before and it was beautiful. 

“Two strong coffees and one of those – no! Two of those cookies. What, Dean? It’s going to be a long night.” She laughed quietly. 

Dean dug around his pockets and placed the money on the counter. 

“You’re the best.” The girl said and kissed his cheek. 

Dean looked around the room and his face changed into something familiar, friendly and safe when his eyes met Cas’. He muttered something to the red head before making his way over. 

Cas grinned at him, hiding the jealous twisting inside, watching Dean steer his tall frame between the tables looked cute. 

“Hi stranger.” Cas said. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Charlie here suddenly decided to interrupt my life.” He rolled his eyes. 

Cas looked over at her, and the moment their eyes met he knew that she was aware of who he was. Dean didn’t seem to be aware of Cas’ professional reputation. Or at least he had no interest in it. This girl, knew who he was and apparently she liked his work. Cas smiled, he could work with that. 

“Oh my god! You’re Castiel!” She said, not at all as loud as Cas thought she would. He noticed Dean staring confused between them. 

“Dean! Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been hanging out with a celebrity? Gosh, hello, my name is Charlie.”

“What?” Dean stared at him and Cas sucked in his cheeks and pursed his lips teasingly. And score two! Dean could not look away from his lips.

“Yeah. You told me you’ve met this guy named Cas. This, my friend is Castiel, the tattoo artist!” She sat down, making Dean scoot in and she grinned up at Cas. 

“This is so cool! I read that you moved here, but I didn’t think I would see the day Dean got to meet you before I did.” She huffed. “Well... – “ She shrugged like there was more but she changed her mind. 

“Anyway, how on earth did you meet? No offence, Dean, you’re cool and all, but not to this level.” She said and Dean pinched her cheek until she slapped his hand away. 

Cas had watched the whole exchange with his eyes wide. He enjoyed it a lot. It warmed him like nothing had in a long time that Charlie considered him cool. And above Dean. Not that Cas felt insecure about himself, but after the whole deal with the assailant he needed the confirmation. 

“We actually met here.”

“Yeah, yeah, Dean told me he’d met you at this place. And that you kept meeting.”

Cas sent a curious glance in Dean’s direction. Dean looked a little awkward but smiled apologetically in a silent conversation Cas understood nothing about.

“Charlie, will you let him breathe? This is the exact way you make sure people run in the opposite direction.”

“What, I’m just excited. You don’t mind do you?”

“Not at all.” Cas said smoothly.

It was like watching Dean in a different habitat. He knew this girl, but not like a girlfriend apparently. They acted more like siblings. Only Cas knew for a fact that Dean only had one brother. 

Charlie kept talking animatedly, almost like they were old friends. Cas didn’t mind, he liked that people contacted him without acting shy. So he went with it. Once their coffee was gone Charlie stood up. 

“Me and Dean was going to grab take out, but if you want to come we could all go out to get something to eat?” 

When Cas looked over at Dean he already watched him, awaiting his answer. He was hungry, and he did want the company, but he hadn’t been anywhere with Dean. It shouldn’t feel strange, but it somehow felt like they stepped out of their comfortable routine. Taking a deep breath Cas gave Charlie a smile.

“I’m game.”

 

All of a sudden weeks had gone by and Cas found himself introduced and included with Dean’s friends. Dean had made a habit of making Cas join him and some friends for food. Sometimes they played a game of pool or Dean would even bring friends to sit at the coffee shop talking for a couple of hours.

One night after Cas texted and asked if they could get something to eat Dean said he was just heading for the gym. And he suggested Cas tag along. 

Cas rarely stepped into the gym, but the chance to see Dean get all sweaty was just too much of a temptation. So he went, if a little nervous. 

Because all of these moments where Cas wanted to be with Dean purely for selfish reasons would start to get obvious. Someday soon Dean would notice his glances and his obvious crush. And when that happened, he could not be sure what would happen. Dean might look at him sometimes, in a way that looked like appreciation or attraction, that didn’t mean he would be happy to make it official. 

When Cas arrived at the gym, Dean seemed to have gotten in a few repetitions and his hair looked sweaty at the nape of his neck. The endorphins seemed to put him in a good mood.

Cas felt self – conscious. This wasn’t his usual scene, and even if he knew how to work a crowd he still didn’t know whether it would be appreciated there. His t-shirt hugged his slim frame and a pair of semi tight sweatpants in dark green didn’t make him fit in any more. 

Dean’s grin made his stomach do a flip, so when he walked over there he smiled back almost shyly. 

After getting a short run down of the place Dean pointed out some of his friends and Cas waved at them. His yellow nail polish certainly didn’t fit in, but Dean never mentioned it even if he seemed to take note of it whenever they hung out. 

Turning around there was suddenly a tall muscly man in a tank top, really showing off his bulging arms, stood in front of them. Cas looked warily up at him, noticing his sweaty long hair. 

“Cas, meet my brother.” Dean punched the man’s shoulder. 

“I’m Sam.” He reached out a hand and Cas’ hand was enveloped in one large paw. He swallowed and looked up into a wide grin, showing off dimples. God, what if he’d met Sam first? Would things have been different?

“I’m Cas. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” 

“Oh God. I would love to meet your father. With the way you too turned out… Woah!” Cas blurted and pointed at their tall broad frames and faked a sweat. 

The two brothers stared at him in horror before turning to each other and burst out laughing. 

“Oh, he is going to like you!” Sam patted his shoulder and grinned wide before heading back to his workout. 

Cas felt his stomach do a flip. They all considered him a friend now. Sam talked about meeting their father like it was something he knew would happen soon. And it scared him a little. Cas worked hard to keep his friends at an arms length. He rarely let them too close. But somehow Dean had managed to mix it all up, make him feel relaxed and included enough to never want to leave. 

 

A few nights later Cas was invited to dinner at Sam’s place. Dean called him up and said a few of them would go over to Sam for dinner, and that his fiancée made the best chicken wraps ever. 

Cas thought Dean said that about any food, but Cas was happy to go either way. 

Dean promised to pick him up and Cas had to tell himself that, even if it looked like it, it wasn’t a date. He might have dressed up in a pair of black tightly fitted jeans and a green shirt hugging his frame. One of his arms were completely covered in tattoos and he wore dark green nail polish. 

Cas had made sure to style his hair a little messy. Because double score! Dean always checked him out more when his hair looked wild and Cas would not pass on that chance. 

Coming into Sam’s home felt inviting and warm, smelling of food and soap. 

Dean walked ahead, after making sure Cas followed and they both stopped at the entry to the kitchen. 

Cas took in the scene in front of him. Music playing softly from the radio, Sam stood by the counter making a salad, a small woman making her famous wraps, hair in a loose pony tail. Sam placed the bowl of salad in front of her, kissing the top of her head, before turning around to face their guests. 

“Hi.”

“Sammy.” There was so much unspoken fondness in the tone, Cas’ chest tightened. 

“Cas, welcome to our home.” The woman still hadn’t turned around, but Sam reached back with a hand and nudged her arm which had her turning around with a smile. She smiled welcoming at them both and nodded to Dean. Then her eyes ran over Cas before she started moving her hands and smiled wide. 

“She’s saying that you are welcome to our home, and that she likes your style.” Sam translated and for a moment Cas didn’t know what to say. He stared between them until Dean leaned closer. 

“She’s deaf, but Sam’ll translate.” Dean offered for explanation and Cas wanted to hiss at Dean for not telling him before. Instead he swallowed and nodded in understanding. 

“Thank you. I’m glad to hear that. I’m Cas by the way.” 

Cas reached out a hand and she took it in a surprisingly strong grip. 

“Eileen.” She said with some difficulty, but still smiling. 

“Nice to meet you.” Cas told her and even with his uncertainty he felt relaxed and welcome, just as they said. 

Sam ushered them into the living room and ordered them to sit down until the rest of their guests arrived. They were handed a beer each and soon they sat back talking about their days. 

They hadn’t met for a few days, both busy in their jobs. As the rest of Sam and Dean’s friends filled the room, some which Cas had already met, others complete strangers. 

Cas was used to be stared at so he didn’t mind. Some of the guys who came there acted a little awkward, not knowing how to act around this new and, to them, not ordinary type. Dean sat on the couch with one arm resting along the back pillow behind Cas. Neither one getting up before Sam asked them to the table. 

Dean got up, but he made sure Cas got a seat next to him, and Cas had to remind himself that this wasn’t an actual date even if it could remind him of one. They would just hang out with friends.

Eileen’s chicken wraps was quickly devoured. Everyone chatting easily, most of them knowing enough sign language to talk to the hostess without having to use Sam as a middle man. They seemed like group who knew each other well, and Cas was a little touched at how easily he was accepted as a part of them. 

 

The night progressed with more beers and some shots. They eventually got louder, played some music and brought out a stack of cards. Cas was no good at poker, so he sat back and watched Dean do a great job. 

“So, where did you guys meet?” One of the guys at the table suddenly asked. 

Dean laughed. 

“He almost ran me down outside the coffee shop I go to.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yes, if I’d have lost my coffee that day, we would most likely not have become friends.” Dean insisted and Cas rolled his eyes. 

“He’s too attached to his coffees.” Cas commented and everyone around them laughed. 

“That he is. So when did you start going out?” A girl asked. 

Dean didn’t seem to notice, or he ignored the sudden hush in the room. They still played cards, but it was clear they waited anxiously for the answer. 

“We kept bumping into each other at the coffee shop, so it made sense that we started talking.” Dean sounded distracted. 

For a while they continued playing. Cas tried to ignore the way some of them scrutinized him, because he was the new in the group. Nobody really knew him apart from Dean and Sam. Of course they were curious. But now apparently they wanted to know more about their time together, and get a confirmation about whether they was a couple or not. And to be honest, so did Cas.

Subtle questions continued until Dean sent a glance in Cas’ direction and noticed how uncomfortable he was with all the attention. 

“Come on now guys. Let’s just… Play this game.”

They let it go, but some of them still exchanged looks, but since Dean didn’t say anything, Cas decided he would try not to let it bother him either.


	3. One step forward, two steps back

Cas withdrew after the night at Sam and Eileen’s place. Things felt out of control. Dean had gotten under his skin and Cas had no idea what the man thought about the whole thing. Friends, alright, but sometimes they acted as more than friends. Closer and more intimate. He wondered if Dean realized, it drove Cas crazy going around not knowing.

He still met Dean for coffee once a week, but other than that he worked more or found excuses as to why he could not meet him. Dean was busy with work too and suddenly two weeks had passed and they had barely seen each other. 

Cas missed him, and he also felt uneasy because he didn’t know why things suddenly changed. Had Dean gotten scared when his friends started seeing them as a couple? Hadn’t he known that’s what everybody thought even if they hadn’t made it official? Or was it just because Cas himself had put a little distance between them and Dean had followed suit?

Cas had no idea what kind of relationship they had, and he hadn’t dared ask, because he had learned that Dean could seem confident and cool about things, but he was also kind of skittish when it came down to it. That’s why Cas had kept counting the little wins. 

In the second weekend Cas went out with some of his friends, and the second he stepped into the club he noticed Dean there too. It stung a little that he hadn’t gotten an invitation, but then again, Cas hadn’t invited Dean either. 

It didn’t take long for Dean to find Cas in the crowd. Of course not, Cas liked to be seen so he dressed in colors, or glitter and he wore make up and fixed his hair. Dean took it all in as his eyes grew colder and Cas’ stomach made a twist of anxiety. He would never back down so he waited as Dean made his way over. 

“Hi.”

“Hello, Dean.”

“We need to talk.” Dean said and grabbed his arm. 

“What?” Cas stopped, he would not be pushed around.

“We need to talk.” Dean repeated. 

“Alright. What’s wrong with right here?” Cas folded his arms across his chest. 

Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Everything. I want to talk to you alone.” For a moment his eyes looked vulnerable and almost sad but it was gone so fast Cas couldn’t be sure. It was enough that he followed Dean into a quieter hallway. 

Cas stood with his back to the wall and Dean stopped in front of him. 

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

Cas shook his head. 

“Don’t try and deny it! I have called you almost every day and you’ve been busy or working or just not feeling it.”

“You can’t expect me to be at your every beck and call.”

“For two weeks Cas!” Dean hissed. He took a step closer but stared at the floor as a couple passed behind them. Cas stared at that freckled nose and wanted to kiss it. 

Cas swallowed. 

“I… it just seemed the right thing.”

“For you, you mean. Why couldn’t you just inform me then that you’ve grown tired?” Dean said quietly. 

Cas shook his head. This was all wrong. He didn’t want Dean to think that he was tired of him, that was not the case at all. 

“Dean, listen… after that night at Sam’s… I just thought we needed time to think.”

“About what?” Dean stepped closer until Cas was pressed against the wall. Neither of them touching. Dean might be a little drunk, but he didn’t look like it was bad. 

“I don’t know. Since everyone seem to think that um… that we’re together as- as a couple.”

Dean stared at him with those green, green eyes. 

“And what do you think?” Dean murmured, leaning closer. His hands coming up to rest against the wall behind Cas. His heart made a loud jump before it started a race in a fluttering pace. 

“I uh – I’m not sure. We never really – um… talked about it.” Cas stammered and he cursed himself for feeling so weak in the knees just for the proximity. Dean wasn’t even touching him at all. 

Dean moved his eyes deliberately down to Cas’ lips. 

“What is it you want? Huh?” His voice had become intimate and low. 

Cas had to take a deep breath to steady himself. A lovely rush ran through his body and he was glad he had the support of the wall behind his back or he might fall. He might have suspected it with Dean's bravado and his easy flirting. To really witness how his voice had turned into pure sex and every ounce of focus zeroed in on Cas, was overwhelming. In the best way possible.

“Tell me what you want, Cas.” Dean whispered and carefully leaned in and let his lips trace gently from his ear along a sharp jawline. When Cas let his head fall back to give him space Dean slowly nibbled on his neck and Cas wanted so much he barely knew how to hold it in. 

“Yes. I want that.” Cas got out. 

“Like this?” Dean asked and trailed a line up to his ear to bite carefully and Cas’ knees almost buckled. His arms finally worked and came up to grab Dean’s jacket, trying to pull him closer. 

Dean stepped in, one leg inching between Cas’ as a firm pressure and Dean looked down into his eyes. When he finally, finally lowered his head and their lips met in a chaste kiss Cas tightened his arms around him. From there the kiss deepened fast and Cas could go lost in the sensation of being kissed. 

Cas clung to him, moved his hips to get closer, to feel more and Dean pushed back until all they knew was each other. Dean’s lips tasted of beer and him, his tongue moving confident and slow with Cas’. He felt weak and stripped down from being held and kissed and Cas barely contained a whine when Dean pulled back. 

Someone had interrupted them, and Cas took a moment to get back on two feet again. Feeling as if his entire body was floating and he could not let go of Dean. What that man could do to him with a kiss was dangerous.

“God, yes.” Dean whispered and kissed Cas’ chin once more.

They headed back to their friends once they calmed down a little. The entire night was spent dancing and having a few drinks and Cas felt better than he ever had. He even introduced Dean to his friends. Claire, who had followed him when he moved, Gabriel who he recently met and Luke an old friend from college.

By the end of the night, Dean insisted that he should go with his friends since they had gone out together and obviously had plans for the night. Cas was a little sad to see him go in the opposite direction, but perhaps it was good. They shouldn’t rush into things, being drunk and just suddenly decided they would amp up their relationship. 

Instead Cas tried to have a great time with his friends, and he did. He felt better these days. Safe. Because something about Dean’s presence had made him feel protected. 

 

The following days Dean sent him messages that he had to work double shifts, something about a colleague’s wife giving birth and Cas told him to just let him know when he had a chance to meet. 

Instead of going radio silent as Cas was afraid he might, Dean still texted him. Sening him pictures of the fire truck, or a hose, or coffee’s. In his own way he let Cas know that he wasn’t trying to put distance between them, he simply had a lot going on at work. 

Cas on his side worked longer hours too. His friend at work pestering him about Dean and Cas was unable to stop smiling. He checked his phone with a grin, laughed at a message and put entirely too much joy into giving a reply. He was acting like a puppy in love. Which might actually not be too far from the truth. 

 

His mood changed abruptly later that day, with a very ungraceful plunge at the mere sight of the caller id on his phone. 

“Mother.” He said flatly. 

“Castiel. Ever so friendly on the phone, I hear.”

Cas rolled his eyes but managed to contain a sigh. 

“I apologize. Hello, Mother. It’s so good to hear from you. How have you been?”

“Don’t mock me, Castiel. I am calling to let you know I’m in town.”

Of course she was. Cas placed his elbows on the counter and pushed a hand into his hair. 

“Oh. Are you traveling again?” He asked, struggling to keep his tone interested. 

“I wanted to check up on you, Castiel. You don’t let me know what’s going on in your life, so I just have to come out and ask you.”

Cas shook his head and let his hands run through the mess of a hair. He didn’t need this. Not that it mattered what he wanted. His mother had come there to visit him, so Cas better show up at whatever fancy hotel she planned lunch. 

Just walking into the room was enough to feel the familiar twist in his stomach. The way she looked at him with a frown. Cas kept his head high, like he always did and sat down next to her.

“Nice to see you, mother.” He smiled and she greeted him with a little tightening around the lips. That’s as much has he’d ever gotten so he sat back in his chair, waiting for her to continue. 

She ordered a lunch of English muffins and tea. Cas only ever had that with his mother and he never touched it anywhere else. He thanked her for ordering and sipped his tea quietly. 

“Castiel, dear.” A dry hand coming to touch one of his.

“When are you going to stop playing with this girls-stuff?” She gestured elegantly at his painted nails and the jewelry he wore on his fingers. Cas ignored the stab and took a deep breath. 

“I don’t know, mother. Maybe never.” He told her. 

For a while she talked about family and friends. Giving him an update on their lives. Kids born, couples married and some split up. As if that was something Cas would be interested in. Like this was not awkward and stilted. Cas’ mother had her own way of pretending everything was just fine, when in reality that made it even worse for Cas to endure. 

“Do you know who I met the other day?”

“How could I know, mother?” Castiel grabbed his glass. 

“I met Balthazar just down the street. Handsome as ever.” She smiled genuinely and Cas put on a mask of indifference. 

His mother loved the man. Because everything about him screamed class. Balthazar was highly educated, rich, well-traveled and utterly charming. And also an absolute ass.

In the year that Cas and Balthazar dated, his mother hadn’t even grumbled about the fact that his son was gay.

“How nice.” Cas forced out. 

“Indeed. He was really charming. But Castiel, he misses you dearly. I can’t believe you broke up with him. He is such an elegant young man.”

Cas could have told her. He could have given an entire speech about Balthazar the Mighty. The perfect man who knew what buttons to push in order to make Cas feel incapable and small. But she would not believe him. Instead he gave her a bland smile. 

“It was time to move on.”

“But he isn’t seeing anyone now.”

Of course Balthazar would say that. Cas knew how that worked and he would not be bullied into anything anymore. 

“You should make time to go visit him. Balthazar said he would be happy to see you again.”

And there it was. His meddling mother, trying to redeem some of the shame she imagined Cas had brought on her simply by being different. 

“Mother. I moved on. Literally, I actually moved away. Besides, I am seeing someone.”

Cas might not have had a chance to talk properly with Dean, but his mother didn’t have to know that. She stared at him for a long time before shaking her head in disbelief. 

“You were always so ungrateful. Here I am trying to fix the mess you made after running away from a perfect man and a nice place to live. And you don’t even care. You run around wearing make-up like you can’t decide if you’re a girl or a boy.” She spat at him and Cas pursed his lips as he slowly put down his napkin. 

“Thank you for tea, mother.” He got up and walked out of there as calmly as possible. 

Once outside he sagged against the wall and gulped deep breaths. Every time. Every single time, his mother managed to make him feel bad about who he was. Cas didn’t even understand why he let it get to him after all of these years. He was proud of who he had become. Of the things he had achieved. He wouldn’t let his mother ruin that. 

Cas went back to work. For a few hours he forced his mind to rest. Once he got a needle in his hand and skin to mark he felt calmer. This right there was who he was. Making art. Cas was great at it, people loved his work and this was the life he’d chosen. Away from his family, the pressure and constant disappointment. 

 

Alone in his apartment that night, things wasn’t as easy to push away. His mother got under his skin, time and time again. He didn’t mean to let it get to him, but it did and like always Cas would need a day or two to get past it.

His only way of coping with his mother’s criticism and get over every insult and displeased look, was a good mindless fuck. Cas paced back and forth in his kitchen. The itch of repressed feelings and anger simmered inside and he needed to get it out somehow. He needed to forget, to be touched, appreciated. With a pained sigh he grabbed his phone and scrolled through his contacts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its been some time between updates. The next one won't be up in a while either. Not sure if I catch a break until sometime by the end of the month. crossing my fingers that you liked this part and want to keep reading even with my slow going :) 
> 
> xx- til next time <3


	4. Heartache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with some more! Even with being pretty busy, taking time away from writing is also good for the process.  
> This part is not super long, but I hope you like it anyway.

Cas stared at the ceiling. It was late, but not time to go to bed yet. His heart felt fragile and on the verge of breaking for some reason, so he decided to just lie there, waiting for sleep to come, whenever that might be. His day had been a mess thanks to his mother. But instead of calling someone for comfort Cas had just been staring at his phone, unable to make a decision. 

He shouldn’t feel like this, sure, his mother always brought this on, but it was different this time. Slowly but surely he came to a realization that this time, it was only one person he wanted to call, but things were so uncertain that he was not sure he could.

When his phone chimed he almost didn’t pick it up from the floor. He could let it ring, they would think he was busy, or even asleep. Instead he glanced at it and let out a shaky breath. 

“Hello, Dean.” He rasped. 

“Cas. I’m sorry if I woke you.” Dean’s familiar voice on the other end soothed his aching heart. 

“No, no, I’m not even in bed.” It was a lie, but Cas couldn’t risk him hanging up if Dean thought he was ready to sleep.

“I’m on my way to get some Thai food. You hungry?” Dean sounded hopeful, and there was something in his voice different from before. Cas couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He wasn’t hungry, though, but he told Dean he could come there if he wanted company. 

“Thanks, Cas. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He said quietly. 

Cas swallowed and pushed the bed sheets off before getting up. 

Dean had never been to his place before. They always met somewhere else. Cas hadn’t seen where Dean lived either, and it hadn’t felt strange, not until now. Cas looked around his place. He kept it clean and mostly tidy. A sweater here, a bunched up blanket there or sketchpads lying around didn’t count as mess in Cas’ book. 

He pulled on a sweater and a pair of jeans and sat down to wait for Dean. They had only talked on the phone since the night in the club, and Cas didn’t know what to expect. When the bell chimed he swallowed, but opened the door quickly and headed out to open the door. 

Dean stood outside with a plastic bag smelling of spices and warmth. His face looked pale with dark lines beneath each eye. His smile was still sweet and warmed Cas’ frozen chest. 

“Come in.” He offered to take the food and headed for the kitchen in an attempt to put his hands to work. There was so much he wanted to say, but most of all he wanted to reach out and pull Dean close and don’t let go for a long, long time. 

Cas brought the food to the couch and while Dean ate most of it they talked easily about work and art and coffee. It felt normal to them, comfortable and right. Cas noticed how Dean sometimes fell into thoughts and almost forget about everything around him. The tired look in his eyes grew heavier and sometimes he had to take several deep breaths before coming back to it. 

“Hey, Dean. Are you alright?” Cas asked. 

He nodded and smiled, but it didn’t look genuine or anywhere close to the truth. Cas watched him for a moment. It wasn’t like he had told Dean about his own shitty day so maybe he just had to get it off his chest. 

“I met with my mother today.” He said after bringing them each a beer. Dean turned to look at him. Cas had told him in short terms about a very strained relationship with his family. Dean focused on him, more alert somehow. 

“Yeah? How’d it go?”

Cas sat back on the couch and rested his head against the pillows. Dean might be tired, but he still followed the line of Cas’ neck and it made him feel slightly better.

“As well as could be expected. I’ll be over it in a day or two.” He muttered.

“That bad, huh?” Dean asked sympathetically. A warm hand came to soothe one arm and Cas leaned into it. Starved for touch. Dean didn’t let go. Instead he traced the pattern of one of his tattoos.

“I know it’s probably pathetic, but she… she has a way of making me feel like a little child again.”

Dean hummed and came to sit closer to Cas on the cough. Perhaps Cas wasn’t the only one to need some physical contact tonight. It made him feel slightly better, but he would have liked to know what bothered Dean. 

“You want to stay tonight?” Cas asked when it seemed like Dean was about to get up. Dean turned to face him, staring with his bright green eyes. Surprise clear in his face. 

“I mean… we should probably talk about some stuff, but I’ve missed you.” Cas admitted and looked down. When Dean didn’t answer for a long moment Cas chanced a glance at him and noticed his face a little flushed. 

 

Cas placed his head on Dean’s chest. His breath coming slowly and a warm hand rubbed circles into his back. The bed felt comfortable and the tension in Cas’ body slowly ebbed away. 

Just lying there in bed with someone was a first for Cas. He had never been shy about a quick fuck, but he always left afterwards. Cuddling and connecting on a deeper level had never been in his life. Not even while he was together with Balthazar, perhaps especially then. 

Cas hummed softly, about to fall asleep when Dean took a deep breath. 

“We lost a woman tonight.” He said, almost in a whisper. Cas lay still, waiting for him to continue. 

“We got there a little too late. We saved her kid, but… I mean, what good will it do when he lost his mother?” Dean’s circling hands had stopped moving and Cas shifted so he could see his face. 

Dean’s eyes looked sore and heavy, he closed them for a while and let out a long breath.

“You saved him, Dean. Of course it is a good thing.” Cas whispered.

“Yeah, but he stood there, screaming her name, waiting for someone, anyone to come and tell him she was fine. Instead- nothing.” Dean swallowed. 

Cas had no idea what to say. On some level he knew that Dean’s job was serious business. It wasn’t about handsome men in uniforms, rescuing kittens from trees or saving everybody. But the severity of the situation never occurred to him. Because when it came down to it, they were actually working really hard and sometimes that would not be enough. 

“What do you usually do after a bad day?” Cas asked when Dean didn’t keep talking. 

“Get drunk, most likely.” He rasped. 

“You want me to go get something stronger?”

“No, don’t go.” Dean tightened his arms around him. He buried his nose in Cas’ hair and it sent a sweet flutter through his body. Cas snuggled closer. 

“I’ve been that boy you know. When I was four years old, I was him. Screaming at the burning building, waiting for my mother to show up at the door.” Dean’s arms shook slightly and Cas caressed them gently. 

He could not even begin to imagine that situation. Cas might not have the best relationship to his mother, but he would have been heartbroken if she’d been killed in a fire, just taken away from their family without a warning. 

“I am so sorry you have to go through that.”

“It’s a long time ago, but whenever a night like this comes, I remember. I stood there, clinging to Sam as our dad desperately searched for a way back in.” Dean let out a long breath. 

“We grew up fine. We moved in with Bobby, and we managed.”

Cas watched him for a moment. Dean talked a lot about this Bobby. The man he still lived with. Cas had never met him, but he knew Bobby was one of the most important people in Dean’s life. 

“I’d like to meet him one day.” He said softly. 

Dean smiled. 

“You should come and have dinner with us this Sunday.” 

 

Cas made coffee and brought back to bed the next morning. He’d had a shitty day yesterday, but Dean had come to him with his own troubles. Cas felt stupidly pleased that Dean wanted to be with him and share so much of his life with him. 

While they drank their coffee in bed, they talked about simpler things. Dean asked about Cas’ tattoos, and Cas told him stories of what his tattoos meant. 

Dean’s fingers started to run over his arm, following patterns and warming his skin pleasantly. Cas lay down on the pillows and gave a nod. Dean lay down on top of him, placing his elbows on each side of his head, coming close enough to feel hot breath ghost over his face. 

“Damn, you’re just smooth all over.” Dean whispered in awe and carefully rubbed his hard length into Cas’ hip. 

He let out an undignified gasp and Dean chuckled as he leaned down to rub his nose tantalizing below Cas’ ear. 

Cas clung to Dean’s shoulders and offered his neck. Dean kissed it once before seeking out his lips. Cas practically melted. Soft kisses, unhurried, exploring and never deepened. Dean kissed him like he wanted to cherish it, like he wanted to catalogue and remember the way Cas moved and the sounds he made. Like they had all the time in the world. It was new to Cas.

Dean moved his hips in a slow rhythm. Rubbing off on each other through their boxers like a couple of teenagers. Cas was both thrilled and terrified of the prospect. Because doing this with Dean, something that required a different kind of closeness, other than simply just sex, was a big step for Cas. 

 

Cas felt light for the rest of the week. Claire gave a smile as he came into work in a good mood, rather than brooding as he usually would after his mother being there. He had been on the verge of calling a random guy just to get the relief. Something held him back and the realization that Dean was that reason, dawned on Cas slowly. Wanting something more, something real with somebody, was very much uncovered ground for Cas. 

Unfortunately Cas’ mother didn’t waste time. Friday afternoon Cas looked forward to a date with Dean that night, it was the end of the week and he had Sunday dinner with Dean’s family as well. 

When the door opened around lunch none other than Balthazar stepped inside. Claire sent Cas a confused glance, while Luke huffed in annoyance. 

“Cassie, dear. You look good.” Balthazar moved through the room like he owned the place. He placed perfectly manicured hands on Cas’ shoulders to pull him into a hug. 

“I must say, when your mother told me you would like a visit, that I was a little hesitant. Now that I’m here, I don’t regret it, boy.”

Cas squirmed in his hold, but he wouldn’t let go. 

“Balthazar.” 

“Oh, I did not expect such a breathless response. Cas, come on, surely you can do better than that.”

Cas shook his head, his mind whirring in confusion and rage. His mother was at it again and he wanted to kick and scream at the whole thing. 

“What… - why are you here?” Cas asked and finally extracted himself from the man. 

Balthazar looked hurt for a second. 

“For you of course. I thought perhaps we could spend some time around here before heading back home.” He gave a curt smile and looked around in disdain. The man hadn’t changed a bit. He took a step back needing some distance. Claire sat nearby following the whole exchange. Luke had come around the counter and silently supported Cas. 

Balthazar reached out his hands, grabbing Cas’. Cas was about to give a reply when the smell of coffee alerted him to the presence of someone else. Dean. 

Balthazar smelled the tension, most likely, because he tightened his hold on Cas, even pulled him closer. 

“Who’s this?” He hissed. 

Cas stared wildly between the two. 

Dean looked so stunned, like he hadn’t been expecting this at all. Like the thought that Cas might not be an altogether nice guy was something he never even considered. Dean looked rejected but never mad. And Cas knew that even though he had never cheated on Dean, he most certainly was not worthy of that kind of faith, because Cas wasn't anywhere near as good as Dean.

“Cas? Is this a lover of yours?”

Cas was unable to answer. He willed Dean to not read anything into this situation, but he knew it was futile. Dean placed the coffee on the small table inside the door. 

“Sorry. I didn’t realize.” He said with a hoarse voice before stepping outside. Cas tried to get away from Balthazar. 

“Cassie, surely you can’t choose some… rebel like that before me? Only a few months back you called me, asking to meet me, begging me to fuck you.”

“Well, that was a mistake on my part. Now, Balthazar. I need you to get out of here. We are through.” Cas said, forcing his voice to work through the lump in his throat.  
Balthazar scoffed. 

“We’re through? You are telling me we are through? Who do you think you are, Castiel? Remember how I went out with you for months. I pitied you, the awkward way you wanted to please your family, thinking you could be good enough. I know who you are –“

“That’s enough.” Luke stepped forward, using his stern, quiet voice. Balthazar stopped mid-ramble. Glaring murder at them all. 

“Don’t think you can recover from this, Castiel.” He hissed before rushing to the exit.


	5. What you deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short one with nervous Cas <3   
> Give him looove <333

Like a coward Cas hid. He went to work, he made his own coffee and he sulked at home unless he could be certain Dean wouldn’t be there. Like Claire pointed out, if he wanted to fix things, he needed to be the one to talk to Dean. 

“But how? What could I possibly say that would make him believe me?”

“The truth?” Claire offered and Cas sighed. 

His heart ached in a strange way. He watched silly movies and ate ice cream, he acted very much beneath his thirty years. So in an attempt to move things forward he decided one day to go get his coffee at the coffee shop. 

Looking around the room he found everything familiar and nice. He told himself he didn’t look for anyone in particular, but his heart still sank with the realization that Dean was nowhere to be seen. 

Instead he bumped into Charlie on his way out. She watched him intently before smiling. 

“Hello, Cas. It’s been a while. How are you?” She stopped in front of him. 

“Charlie. Yeah, I know. Been lots of work.” He shrugged. “What about you?”

“Well, I’m here to meet up with Sam and Dean as usual.” She pushed a hand into her back pocket and Cas bit his lip before asking. 

“How is Dean?” He knew it was bad to involve others, but he needed to know, and Charlie was close enough that she would know.

Charlie let out a long breath and tucked some hair behind her ear. 

“He’s okay, I guess.” 

Cas didn’t feel better at all. Even if he didn’t know what Dean actually thought about the thing between them, he clearly wanted something. And him not feeling very good made Cas feel much worse. 

“He just… He doesn’t talk much. I just assumed you decided to go your separate ways or something.” There were questions in her eyes and Cas couldn’t believe that Dean hadn’t told her. 

Cas had practically been standing in another man’s arms not a week after him and Dean had spent their first night together. Dean had all the reasons to be mad at him.

“I… He – will you tell me where I can find him?” Cas landed on. 

Cas knew he could call or text, but he wanted to see him. He wanted to be able to be face to face when they talked. Charlie sighed. 

“I don’t know. It’s not because I don’t want to, but… Dean’s… you know what. Go to Sam’s animal shelter sometime after five in the weekends. He’ll most likely be there.” Charlie finished and Cas thanked her before heading out of there. 

 

Cas worked on his courage for the next couple of days. He could let it go. Dean probably didn’t think it was anything serious between them and it wasn’t. The nagging thought that it could have been. That it was something Cas actually wanted, made it impossible for Cas to just walk away from it all. 

When he finally decided to go visit Sam’s animal shelter he told himself to dress casually, and to accept whatever Dean had to say. 

Car pushed open the door and immediately Sam looked up from his place behind the counter. A tiny dog barked and stood up from his lap. 

“Cas, Hi. Good to see you man.” Sam smiled. There might be some caution in his eyes, but he greeted Cas friendly and open, just like he always had. 

“Hi, Sam. Thank you. I was told I could find Dean here.” He wasn’t there for small talk no matter how much he would have wanted to drag out the time. 

“Oh. He’s out running with one of our dogs right now. I swear, that animal just don’t go along with the others and there is a limit to how many times a day I can go running to satisfy their needs.” Sam rolled his eyes and Cas gave a little smile. He doubted there was a limit. Sam could run all day long, at least that’s what it looked like. 

“Alright. Well, maybe I should come back some other time.” 

Sam tilted his head and looked at him for a moment. 

“He’ll probably be back within half an hour at the latest. Do you want to see our new litter of kittens?” Sam was already getting up from his chair and Cas nodded, a little numb. 

He had a hard time understanding how this was real. Cas was used to people ganging up on those who made mistakes. He knew that cheating (or at least suspicion of cheating in this case) was not something that made friends with anyone. But here it seemed that either people didn’t know the whole story or they decided to not act as assholes about it all. In either case it put him on edge, but also made him want to fix everything as much as possible. Dean deserved it and so much more. 

Cas immediately melted at the sight of those little fur balls. They squeaked around, tumbling a little and was so new to this life it was incredible. 

“How old are they?” Cas whispered. Sam gave fond smile. 

“Just a couple of days. Should be opening their eyes soon.” He said softly. Large hands reached into their little nest and brought out a black little thing. He held it out for Cas and he took it almost reverently. Lifting it up to get a good look at the thing he smiled the first real smile in a while. He pulled it close and buried his nose in that feather light fur. 

Sam chuckled. 

“I’ll let you know when Dean gets here.” He said before leaving him alone. 

Cas sat down on the floor not caring that his clothes might get dirty, he would hate to let go of the tiny little animal so soon.

He sat there snuggling the little thing. It was adorable, trying and failing to crawl around in his lap, until it exhausted itself and fell asleep. Cas smiled down and carefully caressed the fur. For a moment he didn’t have to think about the mess he’d made. He sat there enjoying the peace and quiet, thinking he might have to get a pet. 

“Heya, Cas.” 

Cas startled and looked up at the man leaning against the doorframe. Dean was all sweaty and tan. His body so broad and manly he had to tell himself this was not the time to ogle. He started getting to his feet, taking care that the kitten didn’t wake up and stood in front of Dean, totally at a loss. 

His words failed him, and in Cas’ case, that rarely happened. He always had words. 

“Sam said you wanted to see me?” Dean began. Now that Cas got a real look at him he seemed tired. 

Cas nodded and swallowed hard, suddenly unable to look Dean in the eyes. 

“I know I’m probably not all that welcome here. Charlie told me you’d be around.” He said in a rush. 

“Cas… Of course –“ 

“I just wanted to talk. To… uh. I needed you to know that –“ Cas felt out of breath. His heart hammered in his chest, he barely looked at Dean and he tried not to squeeze the kitten too hard. He was really doing this. In the middle of an animal shelter, with dirt on his pants and a sweaty and tired man in front of him. 

Cas dared a glance up at Dean. He watched him patiently, and not unfriendly at all. It didn’t help. Much.

“That day, when you came by. Mother had sent my ex with the belief that I wanted him back, even if I told her about you. What I’m trying to say, is… I told him to leave. He’s in my past and has been for quite some time now. So I   
– “ Cas met Dean’s eyes to see his reaction. 

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about giving the wrong impression.” Cas finished and tried giving a little smile. It wasn’t like he had much more to lose, but he needed to get it out there. For Dean to understand that he never wanted to hurt him or to lead him on, just to cheat on him. 

Dean stepped into the room and Cas automatically took a step back, so Dean stopped. 

“Cas. Its okay. I mean, I might have read too much into what went on between us, but you didn’t do anything wrong.” Dean said. Cas didn’t believe him. 

“Yes, Dean. I did.” Cas looked him in the eye, clinging to the kitten. 

“All of it just went wrong! I wanted nothing to do with the guy, but clearly you got that impression, and it hurt you.” Cas watched how Dean rubbed his neck, a sure sign he was uncomfortable. 

“Yeah, well, like I said. Maybe I read too much into the thing between us.”

Cas forcefully swallowed around his tight throat. 

“I’m sorry.” Cas whispered. He needed to get out of there. 

“I should go.” He said, without really looking at the man in front of him. 

“Cas…”

“Listen, Dean. All I wanted was to apologize for making a mess. I hope you’ll put this behind you, I never intended to hurt you.” 

“I know that!” Dean gritted out. 

“Then you should let me go now.”

Dean stepped to the side to let Cas past him and he took the opportunity to leave. He hurried through the hallway toward the doors and was almost outside when Sam stopped him. 

“Hey, Cas. I’m sorry. The kitten.” Sam looked regretful, and Cas stared down at the sleeping bundle in his arms. It belonged there. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean…”

“No, of course not. Just – if you want it you’ll have to wait a couple of weeks before you take it home.” Sam smiled. 

Dean came into the room and waited until Sam left before speaking up. 

“Cas – if you told your mother about me, what – I mean, I wasn’t wrong when I thought we had something going on?”

“No, you weren’t. I thought so too.” He said quietly. 

“And now?” Dean came up to him. 

“Now?”

“You still think so?”

“I might.” Cas said after a pause. 

Dean didn’t say a word, he simply watched him and Cas had no idea how to take it from there. He certainly would not assume anything, so even if his eyes might portray tension he stared back into that green kindness. Slowly Dean’s eyes started crinkling in the corners and when Cas a little awestruck dared a glance at his mouth. His lips turned upwards until he full on smiled. Cas had no chance against that grin and felt how his own face turned into a wide grin. 

“How about we start over?” Dean asked.


	6. The difference you make to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys really enjoyed the addition of the kitten, didn't you? Oh I love you ! <3
> 
> This one is filled with family meetings, cute Cas and then some R rated stuff. Seriously, Dean doesn't stand a chance...  
> Settle in peeps and read away. Hope you like.

After a tentative meeting at the coffee shop, Cas went back to work feeling almost whole again. He still had questions and Dean hadn’t addressed the debacle with Balthazar, but at least he wanted to keep hanging out. 

In the coming weeks, Cas and Dean spent time together much like they used to before everything complicated itself. They had coffee dates several times through the week, they met with other friends, eating, playing games and sometimes they would go to Cas’ place, watching a movie or a game or something. 

Cas would take it. He could feel Dean holding back, and Cas let him. He was just so relieved that they remained friends that he didn’t think he could pressure Dean for anything more. 

Dean did want something more. Cas was almost entirely certain of it. He would place a possessive hand on Cas’ back entering a party or even just when they went out to meet some friends. He always made sure that Cas had a good time, and Cas felt great. He enjoyed the attention and he relaxed in it. 

“You know, my dad and Bobby really wants to meet you.” Dean said one night. He sat sprawled on Cas’ couch and Cas sat on the opposite end, resting his feet in Dean’s lap. He was in the middle of painting his nails in a suspiciously familiar shade of green. 

If Dean’s closest family wanted to meet Cas, then it had to mean he talked about him at home at least. Cas couldn’t help but smile a little at that. 

“Oh?” He glanced up at Dean. He was still staring at the screen, bumping one leg in a slow rhythm. Was he nervous? Cas watched his tree day shadow. Dean had come there just from work and they had barely moved from the couch the entire time. It was nice, and it was a surprise to Cas. Getting to know someone new, a romantic interest usually didn't involve such domestic stuff as this in Cas' book. With Dean it just felt right.

“Yes. I know we talked about it, that you should come to Sunday dinner, so I thought if you wanted to this Sunday?” Dean turned to look at him. Weary questions in his eyes. 

Cas continued to paint his nails. He wanted to, like he desperately wanted to meet the people who knew Dean the best. But he also didn’t know what they would think of him. After two weeks of avoiding the elephant in the room Cas had finally brought up Balthazar, and tried telling his side of the story. 

“So you dated the guy for a year?”

“I know. It was horrible and destructive. But it was safe, I was building my business and he was traveling a lot.” Cas shrugged. 

“Why did your mother think you could get back together?”

“Because that’s how she lives. She pictured us together. No matter the evidence, she can’t imagine anything else.”

Dean hadn’t seemed angry about it. He felt hurt of course, but he understood the position Cas had been put in. 

It still baffled Cas how good Dean thought about other people. But it was also part of the reason he liked the man so much. 

“Will I… I mean, will I be meeting them as.. uh, your friend? I guess I’m trying to ask what they think we are to each other.”

Dean blushed hard suddenly and Cas couldn’t help the hopeful fluttering in his stomach. Dean looked adorable all flushed and caught. 

“They might have gotten the impression that we’re together. But Cas – I promise, I haven’t said that, because I wouldn’t pressure you into anything. It’s just, Sam’s got a big mouth.” Dean rolled his eyes, the blushing cheeks still warming his face. 

“I don’t mind, Dean. I kind of already thought we were at least on our way to be together. I mean, we spend almost all of our free time together, don’t we?” Cas smiled. Then he held up his hand and inspected his nails. Turning it to Dean who nodded with a soft smile. 

“I think it is really cool that you paint your nails.” Dean said. 

Cas smiled. 

“I think so too.” He grinned. 

 

*** 

Sunday came with the promise of new things. Cas wasn’t usually nervous about meeting new people. But this was something else. He wanted them to like him because they were Dean’s closest family. 

Cas dressed in a pair of black jeans, a green t-shirt and the jacket with the least bling on. His nails still had that shade of green and his fingers had rings accompanying his tattoos. 

He carefully laid his make-up, toned down, but still there and his hair mussed the way he liked it best. Cas took a step back, taking in the man in the mirror. A slim figure, feminine, but a man with broad shoulders and a slim waist. He smiled teasingly. He could do this. Sam had insisted John would like him. Bobby sounded like a gruff sort of man, but Cas had a way with people if he got the chance. 

Dean came rushing up the stairs, pulling Cas into a tight hug when he opened the door. 

“You look great, man. Come on.” 

Dean’s enthusiasm gave Cas confidence and he hoped he would be able to enjoy the day.

The drive to Bobby and Dean’s home wasn’t far. They were just outside the tightest rush of the small city when Dean turned into a driveway. At the end was a small cozy house, but what stood out was the enormous space outside filled with scrap metal. Cas stared at it in surprise and turned to look at Dean. 

“I know. The man used to run an auto shop. Can’t seem to get rid of it.” Dean laughed.

Cas pursed his lips and decided not to comment on it. There was so much love almost pouring out of Dean. He cared deeply for the man he lived with, even if Cas couldn’t help but wonder why he still did. Even Dean’s father had moved out of there. 

As they reached the steps they heard voices through the open door. 

“John, don’t go embarrassing the kid. He’s in a twist over this man he met and we will not stand in his way.” A strict voice said. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I can’t help that I want to tease him about it. I mean, he’s been running around like a teenager!”

“Oh, God. Please don’t listen to them.” Dean whispered face flushed in embarrassment. 

Cas giggled. “I am having fun already.” 

 

Cas wasn’t sure what he had expected of Dean’s home. He never thought it would be in any way luxurious or flashy, but once he got a glimpse of the outside looking like a scrap yard he was at a loss. Walking inside the warm kitchen he immediately felt the same thing that Dean radiated. 

Kindness and safety.

The two men in the kitchen turned to look at them the moment they entered. Both of them letting their eyes run from head to toe, taking in Cas’ presence, much like everyone else Cas met. It didn't bother him, but he wanted these men to like him and he really didn't hope they were the kind to take offence of Cas' choices. 

“Cas, this is my dad, John, and Bobby. Dad, Bobby, this is Cas.” Dean introduced them. 

John, the one standing by the counter came forward, reaching out a large hand. 

“Cas, it’s nice to finally meet you.” John smiled and Cas felt almost shy faced with his personality. So confident and sure of himself, but still down to earth. His smile was warm there beneath his beard and he was unreasonably attractive, just as Cas had suspected. 

The other man, sitting by the kitchen table suddenly rolled out from his place in a wheel chair and Cas swallowed. Dean hadn’t actually told him what had happened to Bobby, but Cas knew his condition was the reason Dean still lived there. 

“Cas, welcome to my home. Now, you two better sit down so that we can have that dinner sometime today.” His gruff voice demanded. Dean huffed behind Cas, but led him to the table anyway. 

They were served a roast with mashed potatoes and carrots. It wasn’t much, but it tasted great and the company turned out to be great. 

The two older men had both given an extra glance at Cas’ painted nails, but neither commented on it and they seemed to get along fine once the food was on the table. 

Hours later Cas found himself on a worn down couch, resting between Dean’s legs, laughing at a story John told from Dean’s years in school. Apparently he had been a bit of a trouble maker. Dean pulled his ear and Cas let out a startled yelp. Bobby sat behind his desk glaring, but it was apparent in his eyes he held a great deal of fondness to the man currently holding onto Cas.

 

It felt as if things changed between them. Whenever they met they would flirt more, stand closer and touch more. Dean would come over to Cas after his late shifts, they met at the coffee shop regularly and Cas would go to the animal shelter any chance he got. 

He couldn’t get the kitten out of his mind. Sam smirked the moment Cas came back, looking lost. 

“I wondered when you’d show up, considering how you tried to steal an unsuspecting kitten.” Sam chuckled. Cas gasped with a scandalized look on his face. 

“I did no such thing! Show me where she is.” He demanded and Sam pointed him in the right direction with a laugh. 

Cas visited as often as he could. He had already named her Coal and he was simply waiting for the day he could take her home. 

Dean came into Cas’ place one night and stopped abruptly. 

“What’s all this?” He looked around with wide eyes. 

The living room had gotten a few additions in matter of interior. Cas had bought a bed for the kitten, then he decided he would need a litter box, then he needed something to feed the little thing with too. And he would not bring that sweet little kitten into his home without any fun stuff to play with so he got her a ball, several types of strings to play with, as well as something to sharpen her claws and a pet mouse. 

“Sam said I could bring her home in two days. I just wanted to be ready.”

“Oh, I can see that.”

Cas narrowed his eyes and folded his arms tightly across his chest. 

“I mean, you’re only getting one, right?” Dean clarified as if that helped his case any. 

“Yes. I’m only getting one. But what has that got to do with anything?” Cas asked. 

“Just… So. Much. Stuff.” Dean voiced quietly and Cas let his hands fall down. 

“I’ll have you know I only want what’s best for her. And the salesman assured me she would need all of this.”

“I’m sure he did. Even the pet mouse? Your pet is getting a pet?” Dean huffed and Cas couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You’re an idiot.” He announced and pushed Dean down onto his couch. 

“And for that you deserve to be punished.” Cas whispered teasingly as he brought his hands enticingly up along Dean’s thighs. Dean immediately grew serious and alert and Cas smiled sweetly. Until he reached his waist and started tickling. 

Dean let out a loud curse and practically jumped off the pillows, but Cas was ready and held him down. Dean gasped for air and made feeble attempts at protecting himself.

“Please, Cas. Stop. Seriously.” He tried and eventually Cas let up. 

Dean fell back again, sprawling with his arms and legs, breathing heavily. Cas snuggled closer between his legs and reached up to kiss him. 

“Hmm.” Dean hummed and his hands came up to pull Cas closer. 

For someone who were just getting to know each other, in the sense of someone who was together, they kept things slow. It both frustrated and relieved Cas. It was a relief that he didn’t feel pressured. Some days he still got shivers thinking about what could have happened to him just some months ago. But it was also frustrating. Because Cas really wanted Dean. Like, so much he could hardly believe it. And Cas had always had lots of sex. He was good at it and he enjoyed it a lot. Ever since Dean came into his life, one of the sexiest men he’d ever met, Cas had had less sex in these months than he’d had since he first discovered masturbation! 

So who could blame him when he opened the button on Dean’s worn jeans and pulled them open like you would the paper on a present. Dean faltered in his kisses, but Cas wouldn’t let him. Dean was almost always the one to pull back when things moved along a little too fast. Cas appreciated the thought, because the fact that Dean would never push him was one of the things that made him safe enough to try. 

Once Cas had managed to rid Dean of his jeans and his underwear he sat back and took it all in. They had gotten a habit of rubbing off on each other, lying together on the bed or the couch and it wasn’t often he got a chance to look at him before they were all messed up. Dean squirmed but Cas wouldn’t let him. 

“Now, you’d let me suck you, right?” He asked bluntly and Dean flushed, looking like he had to will his hips to still. Cas smirked. Dean was a big boy, but there was still things that made him blush like a teenage girl.

Cas pulled his shirt off and leaned forward, licking a soft stripe up Dean’s length without warning. Dean let out a breath in a rush. Cas had waited so long to do this and he was going to make the most of it. He teased Dean, placing butterfly kisses on his hip bones, down to the inside of his strong thighs and Cas could not appreciate those enough.

He reached up to take Dean into his mouth. His tongue darting out to ease the slide a little. Dean’s hands already fisted in his pillows, he breathed fast and his eyes never left Cas’ lips as they slowly made their way down his cock. He didn’t stop until his nose touched Dean’s fluttering belly and only then did Dean let his eyes close. 

“Oh fuck, the mouth on you.” He breathed. 

Cas hummed around him and started to pull off again, then pushed back down. 

He set a rhythm, fast enough to give Dean what he needed, but just on this side of too little. In a manner of moments Dean had turned into a whimpering mess and Cas felt the rush of being able to reduce this stoic man into that. 

“Cas, Cas, you mouth, I can’t.” He gasped again and again. 

When Dean's legs started to shake and he was unable to watch anymore Cas sped up, he sucked him down to the hilt, before pulling off. All the way. 

Dean let out a pitiful whine, and Cas answered with a moan of his own. He ripped open his own pants and wrapped a hand around himself. It was too much, Dean was about to shake off the couch entirely and Cas would not miss this. He would not miss the chance to taste Dean as he came. Cas wrapped his lips around Dean once more and returned to his previous pace. The hand on his own cock followed the same rhythm and Cas was almost out of breath. The feeling of power, of lust rushed through him, making everything else insignificant. 

With a surprised shout Dean started coming. One hand clinging to Cas’ hair, the other barely holding him up as he shot his load down Cas’ throat. He swallowed eagerly, trying and failing to catch every drop. 

Dean carefully pulled him off once he got oversensitive. He reached out to kiss him and then he licked a few stray drops of come off of Cas’ chin. Dean’s eyes glistening with the afterglow. 

“The mouth on you, man.” Dean whispered in awe.


	7. When a good man goes to war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a bit late, but we're still here. This past week has been crazy, with work and being ill and everything just coming in the way of some time to rewind.   
> Anyway, hope you like the turn of events. It's probably just one more chapter left of this so stay tuned ;)
> 
> There is some violence and hints to the previous rape attempt - just so you're prepared.

Cas could not contain his giddiness. Sam had finally given the clear to come and bring home his kitten and everything was ready. Cas had brought a nice little cage for her to travel in and he would take her home and show her around.

Sam chuckled at him and Dean rolled his eyes, but had a hard time hiding the fond look in his eyes. 

Coal snuggled close to him, already familiar with his scent and his voice. Cas felt utterly charmed at the fact and he brought her home as a proud dad would his firstborn. 

After he had her settled in his home he finally took her to work. He couldn’t leave her alone at home for a long stretch of time and so he made sure to have food and something for her to play with while sitting in his office at work. 

Claire adopted her immediately and Luke shamelessly carried her around whenever he didn’t sit with a customer. Gabriel showed some more restraint, but even he had to give into her cuteness eventually. Cas loved how spoiled the little thing was, and he was not afraid to show it. 

Even Bobby had to admit she was cute. Cas brought her with him when he came over for dinner on Sunday. He sat on the couch with the little cat in his lap when she stretched and yawned until she fell asleep. 

 

Cas’ life was good. He felt better than he could remember ever feeling and it was scary. Because Cas wasn’t used to happiness, not the real happiness. Fake happiness where he smiled and played along, but still had that hole inside, that’s what he knew. This was different. Cas actually woke up in the mornings knowing and expecting his day to be good. 

He had Dean, they were officially a couple now and he couldn’t have been happier. He had his kitten. A pet which he adored. His work did well these days. Full days of customers, and working amongst friends. All in all, Cas’ life was scarily good and he had a hard time believing it would last. 

So yeah, Cas was happy and he slowly relaxed, but in the back of his mind he still prepared for the worst. There were just a million things that could happen. Either to him, or to Dean or to them both, to make his life miserable again. 

Going to Gabriel’s party certainly wasn’t on Cas’ list of scary places to be. 

In the months that Cas and Dean had become closer, their friends had become familiar with each other. They didn’t exactly run in the same circles, but they met from time to time. This was one of those times. 

The party was too big in Cas’ opinion. He didn’t go out that much anymore. He could go to a club with Dean, but these private parties gave him the chills. This was Gabriel’s party, though, and Cas wanted to go. Dean, Benny and Crowley arrived after their shift and everyone was in good spirit. 

Cas felt butterflies in his stomach when Dean made his way over and pulled him close. Dean buried his nose in Cas’ hair and inhaled. 

“Yeah, now I feel great again.” He said on a chuckle. Apparently the boys had had something to drink before they got there. Cas wasn’t complaining. Dean was a happy drunk. 

They milled around the room, Dean barely leaving Cas’ side at all. Most of their friends had come out tonight. Even Meg showed her face, but they didn’t have much contact these days. It was stupid, but her, and their fight reminded Cas too much of what happened afterward to be any kind of pleasant. He knew she wasn’t to blame, but he couldn’t shake it entirely. 

Cas stood next to Charlie and raved about his little kitten when a distinctly smooth, nasal, voice spoke behind him. 

“I see I have the pleasure of meeting you again.” 

Cas stood frozen to the spot, clinging to his glass, remembering the feeling of being slammed into the stairs with a heavy weight on top. Charlie watched him intently and concerned. She grabbed his elbow, and Cas jumped in surprise. 

“Come now, let us see that pretty face of yours.” The man continued. 

The thing was, that night, Cas hadn’t really had a chance to see the man’s face. It had been dark out, he might have an idea of his structure, but that’s it. Ever since he’d been desperate to know, because having nightmares of a faceless person was worse than not knowing. 

“Cas?” Charlie’s voice was soft and Cas cringed. He needed to get out of there. Put as much distance between himself and this… person. He forced his feet to move, but when he did, a large hand landed on his shoulder and Cas panicked and turned around. 

He was tall, broad and with a face too close for comfort. Cas had thought he would be older, with the way he talked and how strong he felt, but he couldn’t be much older than himself. His face showing a grin with too much confidence. His eyes never really getting the memo. Cas gasped for a breath when he finally got a glimpse of Dean. 

The storm in those green eyes didn’t bode well for anything, but Cas was all too happy to see him. 

“Alistair, get your hands off of him.”

“Dean Winchester. What’s it to you? It’s the second time you’re interrupting me.” The man practically singsong. It sent a chill down Cas’ spine. He knew, this man remembered what he did and he wasn’t even afraid to use it against them. 

Cas used the fact that this man got distracted and pulled away from his touch. He moved to stand behind Dean, trying to control how his body was shaking. Charlie came up to him but he barely noticed.

“Oh, I see. You’re fucking that bitch?” The man hadn’t seemed nice before, but now he looked downright furious. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Cas wondered what this guy’s problem was. 

Dean bit his lower lip and took a step closer to the guy. 

“Talk like that about him again, and I’m gonna knock you down, Alan, I promise you I will.” Dean threatened. 

The change in his stance was obvious. This guy was getting to Dean. Cas had seen Dean worked up before, but nothing like this. It was like the mere sight of this man had Dean on edge, which shouldn’t be a surprise, but still was. 

Alan chuckled under his breath, peering eyes looking around to see if people was getting this. Like the thought of Dean actually fighting him, was too much fun to let go. 

“You think you can break me? You’re some local firefighter, I don’t know. You certainly hasn’t got it in you.” Alan kept teasing, mocking Dean. Insulting him in every way. People around them started to get worked up, some tried to get Alan to leave. Even some of his own friends. Dean stood his ground, taking each blow like nothing. 

“And then you go and pick up this whore, who can’t decide whether they want to be a man or a woman. It’s fucked up.” Alan glared at Cas. 

And suddenly, before anyone could react Dean surged on the man in front of him. He ran straight into him, punching his fists wherever he could hit over and over. 

Both men shouted at each other, but most of all they grunted and gasped whenever the other got in a good punch. People screamed around them. Some left in a hurry, some stood there with their cameras on the pair, while some tried to figure out how to stop them. 

Charlie pulled Cas toward the wall to keep them away and if she hadn’t he would have been rooted to the spot. Terrified and frozen. 

Dean had Alan on his back, practically straddling him and moving his fists, hitting him in his chest and his arms, apparently trying to avoid his face. It was ugly and a part of Cas registered that he’d never thought Dean could do anything like this. 

Then Alan got the upper hand, turning them over, knocking Dean square in the face and suddenly Dean didn’t seem like he had any more fight in him. His head fell back onto the floor, while blood started cascading out his nose. Cas screamed in panic. 

Benny had finally found his way to the front, pushing people aside and getting to Dean. Alan was dragged away by some skittish looking guy and Benny got a groggy Dean to his feet. 

“He’s going to need a doctor.” Benny said. He looked around until his eyes landed on Cas. 

“You wanna come with?” He asked. 

Cas stared at Dean. He was leaning heavily on Benny’s shoulder. Someone had brought him a towel with ice for his nose and almost all of his shirt was covered in splatter of blood. Cas swallowed and gave a nod. Benny searched his face for a moment, but started to move for the doors. 

 

Once they arrived at the hospital they were ushered inside and Dean was pushed into a wheelchair and rolled away from them. Benny cleared his voice. 

“You gonna tell me what happened, or what?”

Cas sat down into a chair and sighed. 

“I kind of have an… uh… unpleasant history with that other guy. Dean helped me out once.” Cas didn’t want to go into details and Benny thankfully didn’t push. 

“Well, that kid is just too much sometimes. Are you going to be alright here or do you want to head home?”

“I’ll wait.” Cas whispered. 

Dean had a broken nose. Nothing too serious, but because of his bruised and banged up body, they wanted to keep him for observation just in case. 

Cas sat by his bed, waiting for Dean to wake up. He texted Charlie that he was fine and then he sat there, watching. 

Dean’s knuckles were red and sore, a few places even bloody. Cas wanted to thank him, to kiss all of him for standing up to him. A different part of him was so surprised and a little uncomfortable by this side of Dean. 

“Aww, you’ve taken your shoes off. You’ve no idea what I wanted to do to you tonight with those still on.” Dean suddenly spoke. His eyes glossed over by pain killers, but his smile wide and charming. 

Cas sent a glance over at his shoes, lying carelessly in a chair nearby. They were silver with delicate straps and a sharp stiletto. 

“Yeah?” Cas smiled almost shyly. 

“Oh yeah, I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Dean rasped. 

They stared at each other for a moment. 

“Do you need anything? Should I call for a nurse?”

“No. Cas, I’m fine.” Dean said and reached out to grab Cas’ hand. Cas pulled his hand away and placed it in his lap. He didn’t dare meet Dean’s eyes. 

The silence in the room stretched out, Dean’s hand lay there at the edge of the bed, rejected and Cas swallowed. 

“I’m sorry if I scared you.” Dean said quietly. 

Cas shook his head immediately, still struggling to meet his eyes. 

“Hey, Cas… would you please look at me.” Dean pleaded and finally Cas lifted his head. 

Dean’s eyes looked a little clearer. He still was ridiculous with that bandage covering most of his nose and one side of his face looked a little blue. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you, but that man…” Dean pressed his lips tight. 

Cas leaned forward. 

“I know…”

“No, Cas you don’t know. That man is horrible, he ruined so much for you, and there is practically nothing we can do at this point. And then I go and do something to make it even worse.”

“I’m not afraid of you, Dean.” Cas tried. 

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

“I couldn’t – I couldn’t just let him keep going at you. You’re my – you’re mine and I will not let someone do that to you!” Dean finished loudly.

Cas stared at him, surprise clear on his face. Dean held his gaze, but a soft blush slowly creeping up his face. 

“I mean…” Dean trailed off. 

Cas’ lips stretched in a tentative smile. Before he got a chance to say anything more, John and Sam burst through the door. John did not seem pleased at all. 

“Honestly, Dean. I expected this kind of behavior when you were younger.” John rumbled. 

Sam picked up Cas’ shoes and slumped in the chair. All of a sudden the room was full of voices, speaking loudly and Cas found himself intrigued and a little bit relieved about the interruption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The man who assaulted Cas is supposed to be Alistair. I changed the names a bit as I imagine he would go by Alan in the modern world instead of Alistair, even if that was his birth name. Hope it didn't confuse you too much...


	8. Thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sappy times, but hope you like it <3 
> 
> Let me know. Kudos, comments - always welcome.

Dean got out of the hospital the next morning. The nurses kept asking if he wanted to report the incident. Dean wanted to just so he could get something on the guy, but Cas insisted that they should just let it go. Alistair hadn’t looked all that good himself, and if Cas remembered correctly, Dean had thrown the first punch. They wouldn’t make a case at all. 

It didn’t take long before Dean came to his place. He wasn’t allowed to work yet, in case he might get a bleeding, so naturally he was about to go crazy with nothing to do. 

Dean stayed longer, sometimes he even got dinner ready while Cas showered after work. They watched movies and in the evenings, went to bed together. By the end of the week, Dean was practically living in Cas’ place. 

All of it had happened fast, but still with such a gradual shift that when Claire pointed out how happy he looked Cas stared at her in surprise. 

“I’m always happy.” He insisted. 

“I know. Not like this, though. What’s going on?” 

They both had customers on benches in front of them, and worked on coloring. Claire’s customer was reading a book, while Cas’ currently gritted her teeth and didn’t want to speak. 

“Nothing much.” He muttered. 

“Come on. I know that kitten has given you some new life, but this is something else. Is it because Dean came here with coffee yesterday?”

Cas pursed his lips. 

“Perhaps.”

Claire grinned. 

“I’m very happy for you. And after that broken nose, you can’t exactly doubt his feelings for you either.”

“I never have. He’s not exactly talking about his feelings, but he’s very clear on what he wants.”

“Yeah, okay, Cas. I don’t need that much information.” Claire teased with a laugh. 

“Shut up. Truth be told, since he can’t work for a while, he’s been staying with me most of the time.” Cas said. 

Claire lifted her needle and watched Cas intently. And he could understand her. They all knew about his issues about being tied down, to have someone crowd his space. He’d thought about it, but Dean just fit into his home, Cas wanted him there, and he didn’t want him to leave.

“You know, Cas. I’m really happy for you.” She said honestly before continuing her work. 

“Yeah, well. He’s a good man.” Cas smiled. 

 

It was the weekend and Cas sat on the floor working on a sketch for a tattoo, Dean was on the couch, watching tv and dozing off. 

He’d gotten the band aid off, and the doctor had given him the clear for light work in the upcoming week. Dean practically jumped of joy. 

“Yes! Work!” He shouted until Cas couldn’t help but laugh with him. 

Cas’ life had changed a lot lately and even if it was just past six on a Friday night he sat there on the carpet, not really planning on anything other than spend the time with Dean. 

When the doorbell rang he got up with a frown, he wasn’t exactly expecting anyone. 

“What are you doing here?” He squealed, staring down at his mother standing there in her expensive coat and designer purse. Cas hadn’t known she was aware of his address. 

His mother let her eyes roam over his frame and he fought the urge to try and hide. He was wearing a pair of green sweatpants and Dean’s t-shirt from the fire department. His hair probably looked all kinds of crazy after Dean’s ‘celebration’ that he’d get to work again, and he bare feet showed off more tattoos and painted nails. She hadn’t seen him this unguarded and dressed down since his teenage years probably. She cleared her voice. 

“Well, with the way you let Balthazar down, you are clearly unwell.” 

So they were still on that. Cas sighed. He watched her for a moment, wondering if perhaps this was his mother showing concern in her own twisted way.

Instead of asking, she came inside, insisting on making tea. And that hadn’t happened in a long time either. Cas would have thought she expected him to have a servant to make it for them. 

“Mother…” He started, but she had already found her way toward the living room, so he dashed after her, hoping he might be able to stop her. 

She stood like frozen, taking in the sight before her. Dean had fallen asleep, Coal tucked under his chin with a blanket thrown carelessly over his lap. He looked peaceful and at home in a pair of loose jeans and bare feet sticking out under. She had a hard time pulling her eyes away from him, but eventually she let her eyes take in the rest of the room, with Cas’ sketches strewn on the carpet, beer bottles and all of his toys for the kitten. 

“Who’s this?” Her voice sounded sharp, a way to mask how uncomfortable she was with everything going on. Well, Cas hadn’t asked her to come here and barge into his home. 

Dean stirred, but thankfully he didn’t wake up. 

“Its… He’s the man I told you about. The one I’m seeing.”

“This looks a bit more than ‘seeing’.” She commented as she strode to the kitchen. 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. 

“What do you want me to say?”

“Well, I would expect you to tell me the truth at least.” She met his eyes, wide and expectant, but there was hurt there too. 

“Mother… I’ve tried, many times. I’m with Dean now. I don’t know for how long, but we’re happy. I’m happy. I don’t want to change that.” He told her. 

He didn’t get an answer, but she didn’t bother him with Balthazar either. 

While the tea got ready, Cas woke up Dean and he introduced his mother and this man. She glared at his bruised nose, talked in a clipped tone, but nobody could resist Dean. He was easy going, talked about small things, wasn’t thrown off by the occasional jab from Cas’ mother and he complimented her. 

Cas was surprised to see a reluctant sort of respect coming from his mother. 

She stayed in town a couple of days. And even if Cas wouldn’t say he was on exactly good terms with her, things felt easier than they had in years. He most likely had Dean to thank for that. 

So for once when she left, Cas didn’t feel itchy or desperate to forget. He felt calm and lighter than before. He had proved to himself, and partially his mother that he was in fact in control of his own life. That he had figured out what made him happy, and he would stick to that, because he wanted to. 

 

Dean made burgers. Like the best burgers you could find around. They were expecting guests and while Cas finished the preparations in the living room, Dean made food. The smells were amazing. Spices, garlic and butter. Cas’ stomach was already rumbling. 

They’d been at the animal shelter all day. Sam had some renovations going on there and everyone was helping out on the weekends. Dean had suggested they’d made the food after tonight’s work. Even if he originally had said they could go to Bobby’s place, Cas suddenly wanted to fill his place with people. There was enough space of course, but he’d never really been the type to invite people to his place. He preferred to keep that space for himself. 

Now that Dean practically had moved in there it felt natural to invite friends and family there. It wasn’t official, but Dean had most of his clothes there these days. Cas knew he should ask him, to make it permanent, but for now they were content to keep it like that. 

After a shower earlier in the evening with lazy kisses and sloppy handjobs they’d made their way into the living room. Dean wore a pair of Cas’ tight sweatpants and nothing more. Cas stared at his back, enjoying the well-shaped body. Dean was certainly taking care of his body too. 

Dean put the burgers into the oven and set the timer. He arranged a row of bowls filled with garnish. Fresh bread lay on the counter as well as a stack of plates and glasses. He turned around with a proud grin and Cas found his way into his arms. Dean’s hugs were bone crushing and healing. Cas sighed and leaned into him. His own bare chest rubbing against Dean’s heated front. 

Cas nibbled at Dean’s neck, humming content when Dean made more room for him. 

“You think we’ve got time for…?” Cas sighed. Dean chuckled. 

“Really?”

Cas bit him harder and Dean squealed, but gently moved his hips so that Cas could feel the bulge in Dean’s pants. 

Cas moved to kiss him snaked a hand to the waistband, just then the buzzer went off and they jumped in surprise. 

“Definitely not time, then.” Cas huffed. 

“I’ll make it up to you, later.” Dean promised with a soft kiss to the side of Cas’ mouth. 

Cas hurried into the bathroom to change into something more appropriate. Dean hurried after him once the door was opened downstairs. Both their sweatpants flew through the air and landed in messy pools on the floor. Cas had already pulled on a pair of tight leather pants and Dean couldn’t help but let his hands run down his legs. Cas grinned. 

Dean moved into the bedroom, digging around until he found a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He mussed up his hair in the mirror behind Cas. Dean chuckled when someone started speaking in the living room and no one was there to greet them. 

“Some host you are.” Dean teased. 

“Watch it!” Cas threatened and pointed his mascara at Dean. Dean let out a giddy laugh and Cas loved that he was able to make Dean slightly flustered. 

“Go welcome them, then.” Cas said. 

“Where’s my shirt?” Dean looked frantically around until Cas pointed at the sink just to his side. Dean slapped his ass on the way out with his shirt halfway on. 

Sam sounded scandalized when he asked if they were too early. 

“Relax, dude. You’re just on time. Sit down, look around, whatever.” Dean hurried to say, sounding a little out of breath. Cas smiled fondly. 

 

Cas felt his heart swell with happiness and belonging. Everyone seated around the table chatted easily, drank beer and ate burgers. Sam and Eileen sat next to Dean. Then there was Bobby and John with Jo in tow. Gabriel, Claire and Luke had made it as well and everyone seemed to get along. Cas never knew it, but it felt like his entire apartment was happy for this kind of gathering. 

This meant something. It wasn’t just a party where people wanted to get drunk. This was people who had something to talk about whether they were drunk or not. People who meant something to each other, and they had all welcomed Cas and his slightly quirky friends into their lives without a word. 

Someone insisted on playing a game, Dean arranged the play station he’d brought there while he was off work and never took back. Then someone whipped up a card game, which Bobby and Eileen seemed to dominate. 

Cas headed into the kitchen to bring out some more beer. The room was open apart from the little counter separating the room. He never would have thought that this was how his life would be, but now he knew he could never go back to his old life with meaningless parties, and a string of hook ups. He wanted this life, the one with real friends, with small dinner parties and silly games. He wanted the life with Dean in it.

He looked up when Dean came over and placed a hand on Cas’ back. 

“You alright?”

“Thank you.”

Dean furrowed his brow.

“What for?”

Cas leaned forward to kiss him. 

“For being such a good man.” He whispered. Dean smiled against his lips, kissing him tighter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this story, but there is a timestamp coming your way where Dean makes goooood on his promise to Cas from earlier in the night ;) 
> 
> xx - til next time


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timestamp - set immediately after the party. 
> 
> Pretty much PWP, guys...   
> This is it for the boys this time around. Hope you like :)

Cas was pleasantly buzzed when they made it to bed that night. It was late, but Cas just felt light and alert. For the entire night Dean had been teasing him. Sending him heated looks, letting his hand caress Cas’ ass whenever he got a chance. He would give Cas glimpses of his stomach whenever he reached for something. Combined with some drinking and Dean’s earlier promise, Cas walked around half hard most of the night. It was a little embarrassing, but it got his blood pumping in the best way. 

So now he’d brushed his teeth and got ready for bed. Cas swallowed hard when the door opened and the only thing Dean was wearing as he entered was a pair of black formfitting boxers. 

Slowly, slowly Dean took them off, it was agonizing not to reach out and touch, but one look told Cas that he shouldn’t do that. Dean’s cock stood proudly, but he didn’t give it much attention. Instead he reached forward to move the blankets out of the way. 

Cas saw how Dean halted when he found him naked under the sheets. But he came closer, kissed him deep and wet. 

“Tell me what you want, Cas.” Dean rasped. 

“I want you to fuck me, please.” He’d meant for it to come out demanding, instead he sounded breathless and desperate. 

In the few months they’d been together officially they hadn’t really gone all the way. Cas had been grateful in the beginning, with bad memories too fresh. As times kept going, they grew closer and Dean still hadn’t properly fucked him, Cas was starting to get impatient. He realized he would have to ask for it, or Dean wouldn’t do it. The man too considerate for his own good. 

Now though, he was finally pushed down on his back and Dean’s hot mouth played with all of Cas’ sensitive places. He worked his nipples until Cas begged him to stop, the he moved down to his belly, hips and eventually further down. 

They’d done this countless times. Sucking each other off had been their main thing, and Dean was really great at it. Cas really didn’t want to come from that tonight, though. His hips bucked eagerly when Dean took him into his mouth. Dean was thorough, and teasing. He stopped whenever Cas started to tighten up and breathe heavier. Eventually he pulled off with a slight pop and looked up at Cas with dark eyes.

“Turn around.” Was Dean’s only words. Cas shuddered at his hoarse voice and turned around on all four.

Cas grabbed a pillow and waited in anticipation for Dean’s next move. He lay there exposed and vibrating with need. Warm hands came up to carefully caress his back and further down to his ass. Soft licks followed a trail, closer and closer to his entrance. Cas let out a sudden huff of air as Dean’s tongue danced across the sensitive skin. 

It felt like he got lost in it. Dean’s tongue working him over, soft licks, little nibbles and then finally a rougher pressure on Cas’ entrance. 

 

Cas’ thighs vibrated from the strain. He let out desperate sounds, unable to form words anymore. Dean had worked his tongue inside, then a single finger, then a second. He’d gone on for so long Cas was on the verge of sobbing. 

“Ple- please.” He repeated over and over into the pillows. 

Agonizingly slow, Dean retreated his fingers. Cas tried to catch his breathing, scrambling for a bit more control, but he was rendered to a whimpering mess. Anticipating Dean’s next move held him still. He felt open and empty without those fingers, and he needed to be filled. 

He almost jumped when there was a warm tongue licking him again, and he let out a long wounded sound. 

“Cas?” Dean whispered. 

“Dean, come on… No more. Need. I- fuck. I – need to feel. You.” Cas said, holding onto his pillow so hard. 

Dean kissed him once more at the center. 

“Lay on your back for me.” Dean said. 

Cas turned around, grateful to lie down. Dean settling between his thighs, carefully lining up. 

“Ready?” Dean asked softly. Cas nodded, unable to look away from Dean’s hand wrapped tightly around his cock. Hard and straining, deep red and probably beyond ready. 

The concentration on Dean’s face as he carefully guided just the tip of his cock inside Cas was surprising. Cas was almost too busy with the sensation. To finally be filled up again, and for that to be Dean. He pulled his legs up a little higher and Dean gasped as he sank deeper inside. 

“Fuck.” He murmured and Cas wondered how much Dean could take before his control snapped. 

He bottomed out, and immediately pulled out, just as slow. Dean’s arms shaking from holding his weight up and, for each time he pulled out, the push in got a little more uncoordinated. 

Cas’ hands came up to Dean’s shoulders, their eyes met and Dean bent down to kiss him. 

“Damn you feel good, Cas.” Dean said. 

“I do, don’t I.” Cas grinned.

Dean huffed a laugh and for a moment he stopped, buried deep inside and Cas rolled his hips experimentally. The kiss lingered. 

They built a rhythm, slowly picking it up working perfectly with each other. Cas pressed his head into the pillows, the feel of Dean pulling in and dragging out so desperately good. He needed it so much it hurt. Dean’s hand wrapped around Cas cock and he let out a loud moan. 

“Can’t hold on much longer, Cas.” Dean said urgently. 

Cas nodded, lifting his legs higher, up over Dean’s shoulders. The angel changed and Dean got that much deeper, and they both cried out. Dean’s hips stuttered, snapping forward fast, and with a shout Dean lost the last of his control. 

Cas rejoiced in it. Letting go of his own control, feeling the release rush down his spine and pool at the base of his belly, growing fast. Dean huffed above him, hips working harder, pushing into him in hard thrusts, nailing that sweet spot on every other move. And when Dean picked up the rhythm on Cas’ cock as well he couldn’t hold back anymore. His body going taught, mouth open in a silent scream, as he emptied himself in long thick spurts of come. 

Dean shuddered and with one or two thrusts he pushed in all the way and came, panting into Cas’ neck, murmuring ‘so good, so good’ over and over. 

 

Cas suggested bringing a towel to clean up. Dean had rolled over on his back, one hand still touching Cas, running along his arm in small circles. 

“I need a shower.” Dean said on a loud breath. 

So they showered. Quickly, before heading back to bed, snuggling under the slightly damp covers. Dean wrapped Cas close to his body, starting with his exploring again and Cas felt at home. 

“Dean. Is now a good time to ask if you want to move in?” Cas whispered. 

Dean was quiet for a long time. 

“I would love to, Cas.” He murmured into his ear and then he kissed it.


End file.
